whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I touched a dick in church today
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
