I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize