New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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