Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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