So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
