Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
