You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
