True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
