I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
