No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
