Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
