Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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