Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
