If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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