Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
