There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
