next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
