I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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