We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
