tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
