I think my fart just growled at me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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