i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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