Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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