im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
