if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
