I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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