I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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