thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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