I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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