Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
