He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
