Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There are leaves in my underwear?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
