She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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