My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
