I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
