the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
