I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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