i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
