I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
