i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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