I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
