if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
