my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
