he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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