she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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