my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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