if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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