oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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