How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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