meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
