just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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