Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
