So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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