3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
