Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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