i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
