apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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