Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I supernannyed him into submission
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
