Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We have started to decorate penises.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
