Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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