just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
