i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
