I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
