discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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