I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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