All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
