i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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