my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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