i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
