she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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