I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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