East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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